There is a direct correlation between how clean and tidy my house is and procrastination. And the house is spotless.
I had intended to have this written by Sunday evening; but it is already the early hours of Thursday morning and I am only just beginning. On Thursday last week I received an email from West Dean. One of the students had told the alumni office about my book deal; and I have been asked to be the subject of an alumni profile on their website and social media. I have been working on that instead of my manuscript.
I don’t know if I am their first student to have sold their MA novel. I would like to think that I am. Things like that matter. I could pretend that I am not competitive but it wouldn’t be true.
A few years back I was playing Pictionary with two friends and my little goddaughter. I was playing to win and one of the friends told me that I should let my goddaughter win. I can’t remember my reply. I remember playing Scrabble with my grandmother, great aunt, and aunt. They were all school teachers and I was just a child. They loved playing Scrabble. They were excellent players. Out of all the games played I won just once. You could argue that they should have let me win because I was the child at the table, but they weren’t like that. They taught me to play my best, like they were playing their best. They taught me about striving for excellence. They also taught me to be a good loser. Because of the way they played I have never forgotten the day that I did win. I won because on that occasion I was the best player, and I am sure of that. As an adult I am an excellent Scrabble player.
I want my writing to be excellent too. Earlier this week I saw the review of a friend’s novel. The review was good but there was criticism that, as a crime novel, the identity of the murderer was revealed too early in the novel. I’m reading that novel at the moment, and I am finding that I am more interested because I know who the murderer is but don’t yet understand why the crimes were committed. To me that is more interesting than a crime story written to a formula. I think his novel demonstrates excellence.
At some point within the next year I am going to get reviews of my novel too. That is surprisingly daunting, because the novel represents the best I could do; and after being ill two years ago my writing is different. It is more daunting to find out what people think of my second novel though, because that was written after having a brain injury and my ‘writing life’ has a before and after. It is difficult to be objective about what my writing looks like now.
That’s why I am procrastinating. My aim for this month is to prepare my second novel for submission to the publishers but I am scared that what I can do now will not be enough. At least the house is clean and tidy.
